Time for a little honesty
**If this comes across as attention seeking it’s not, I felt like sharing. That is all**
It’s Mental Health Awareness week and I’ve been meaning to type this for a long time. I have anxiety and depression issues. Some of you probably already know this, since I call them “head goblins” on twitter.
What you more than likely don’t know is that, quite often I think about opening my wrists and calling it quits. I’ve been like this for at least the last 20 years. It’s become a reflex of sorts, thankfully I haven’t carried it through but the idea lurks there in the back of my mind. Yes medication is an option and I want to keep it an option for as long as possible. I prefer Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) it’s a more logic based approach that works for me.
“But things can’t be that bad” I hear you say. They’re not. For myself I’ve got a loving and supportive partner who helps me in more ways than she’ll know, a real life family that while maybe don’t understand they accept it, several online families (more on them later) a decent job that let’s me do pretty much my own thing.
I’ve developed coping mechanisms, admittedly not always healthy ones. If you follow me on any of the other platforms you’ll know I draw/paint. A lot. This is my primary coping method. It gives me a sense of control and my mind time to not focus or wander just to “be” I guess. It doesn’t make sense really but it helps.
My second coping method involves a lot, and I do mean a lot, of people. They are my online families of SciFiHour, the Post Apocalyptic Tribe peoples and the Twircle. Without them I probably wouldn’t be writing this. We might be scattered across the globe but in some cases I’m closer to these user names than my flesh and blood family. Their patience and willingness to listen has helped me countless times (even if they don’t know it) and will be given back should they need it from me.
I think I’ve gone on long enough, the “goblins” are sleeping and the need to be creative is strong.
TL/DR I’m a little bit “crazy” but I’m still here. Look after yourself and each other.